Criterion Mobile Closet, Please Come to Los Angeles, I Beg of You

Welcome to the inaugural issue of Desiree Watch Movies. Today, I get down on my creaking knees to beg for a DVD-filled van to visit LA (preferably the westside, aka the best side).

This is certainly not a hot take, but I loathe lines or queues that are longer than, say, 20 minutes. I’m impatient to a fault and have never reached the treasure at the end of a two-hour line and thought to myself, “Now that was time well spent.”

But for the Criterion Mobile Closet—which has already traveled to New York and Texas—I will wait, Mumford & Sons style. While I shudder at the thought of being trapped in an hourslong line on the mostly shadeless sidewalks of Los Angeles, I’m willing to suffer the queue for three glorious minutes inside the back of an 18-foot delivery van so that I may opine about the 3 DVD selections (that’s the max.) that will be joining my home collection to be bequeathed to my future dog when I am inevitably summoned to the Crossroads.

Now, should this blessed white van make it my way, here are the three baller films that I’ll be picking up:

Vengeance Is Mine

“A thief, a murderer, and a charming lady-killer, Iwao Enokizu (Ken Ogata) is on the run from the police. Director Shohei Imamura turns this fact-based story—about the seventy-eight-day killing spree of a remorseless man from a devoutly Catholic family—into a cold, perverse, and at times diabolically funny examination of the primitive coexisting with the modern. More than just a true-crime tale, Vengeance Is Mine bares humanity’s snarling id.” - Criterion

Bong Joon Ho and Robert Pattinson brought this film to my attention during a promo interview for Mickey17 (which I’m in total love with). And they had nothing but adoration for the 1979 crime thriller and its reportedly jaw-dropping ending, which they did not spoil, thankfully.

Adding to the praise parade, the legendary Roger Ebert wrote in his 1980 review, “Vengeance is Mine gives us a portrait of a killer that is poignant, tragic and banal enough to deserve the comparison with Crime and Punishment.” Nuf said.

A poignant portrait of a killer based on a true story directed by a two-time Palme d’Or winner? I cannot wait to cop this banger.

Where to watch: And if you’re a fan of Memories of Murder and The Zodiac, you might want to check this one out too. This film is only available for rent at the moment, but you can always rent it from your streaming platform of choice or, better yet, buy a physical copy.

Deep Cover

Film noir hits the mean streets of 1990s Los Angeles in this stylish and subversive underworld odyssey from veteran actor-director Bill Duke. Laurence Fishburne stars as Russell Stevens, a police officer who goes undercover as “John Hull,” the partner of a dangerously ambitious cocaine trafficker (Jeff Goldblum), in order to infiltrate and bring down a powerful Latin American drug ring operating in LA. But the further Stevens descends into this ruthless world of money, violence, and power, the more disillusioned he becomes—and the harder it is to make out the line between right and wrong, crime and justice. Steeped in shadowy, neon-soaked atmosphere and featuring Dr. Dre’s debut solo single, Deep Cover is an unsung gem of the nineties’ Black cinema explosion that delivers a riveting character study and sleek action thrills alongside a furious moral indictment of America and the devastating failures of the war on drugs. - Criterion

Deep Cover is LA cinema at its finest, and this gorgeous neon cover image is fire. I remember watching this quintessential neo-noir far too young (on KCOP, or channel 13 for real ones) and was pretty thrilled to discover its inclusion in the Criterion Collection.

This Bill Duke-directed chronicle of the early ‘90s War on Drugs hits different when you watch it as an adult who has lived through multiple drug epidemics, including the ongoing fentanyl crisis. It veers away from the typical copaganda and instead highlights the feds’ involvement in this never-ending attack on the country’s most vulnerable populations.

Laurence Fishburne is cool as ice as John Hull, the well-intentioned undercover agent who becomes embroiled in a drug conspiracy and an existential crisis. All John wanted was to make a difference in his community; to escape the fate of his father, whose life was destroyed by addiction.

But the powers that be saw him as a disposable pawn to do their bidding on the streets, pushing John to flex his street smarts and take matters into his own hand. Oh! And the Wizard of Oz himself, Jeff Goldblum, has a sizeable role as a high-ish level drug dealer with some unforgettable lines: “Forget this Judeo-Christian bullshit. The same people that taught us virtue are the very ones who enslaved us, baby.”

Quick aside: I didn’t find out that acting legend Bill Duke was a prolific director until yeeeears after watching this, and my jaw hit the floor when I realized he also helmed the comedy masterpiece Sister Act 2 and a slew of classic Black films, including the instructive Deacons for Defense, A Rage in Harlem and Hoodlum.

Of all my selections, I’m the most interested in the Deep Cover special edition features, which include interviews with Duke and Fishburne, a conversation between film scholars about Black films in the noir genre, and a look at the making of the soundtrack, which I owned on cassette back in the day. (Where’s my geritol?)

Where to watch: If you’re interested in this noir thriller and short on cash, you can watch Deep Cover for free on Tubi.

Rec: And if you’re in the mood for another excellent Black noir, please please please check out Devil in a Blue Dress on PlutoTV, an immaculate adaptation of Walter Mosley’s book of the same name with pitch-perfect performances from Denzel and Don Cheadle.

In this riveting study of the dynamics of control, Academy Award–winning director Michael Haneke takes on Nobel laureate Elfriede Jelinek’s controversial 1983 novel about perverse female sexuality and the world of classical music. Haneke finds his match in Isabelle Huppert, who delivers an icy but quietly seething performance as Erika, a piano professor at a Viennese conservatory who lives with her mother in a claustrophobically codepen­dent relation­ship. Severely repressed, she satisfies her mas­ochistic urges only voyeuristically until she meets Walter (Benoît Magimel), a student whose desire for Erika leads to a destructive infatuation that upsets the careful equilibrium of her life. A critical breakthrough for Haneke, The Piano Teacher—which won the Grand Prix as well as dual acting awards for its stars at Cannes—is a formalist masterwork that remains a shocking sensation.- Criterion

If you’ve ever watched a Michael Haneke joint, then you know he’s the king of harrowing cinema. Funny Games (U.S) was my introduction to his work, and I’m not sure I’ve ever gotten over that first viewing. This 2001 indie follows a similar vein of ohmygodnoisthisreallyhappening.

This is a very Desiree movie: bleak, unpredictable, jarring, and provocative. Yet, somehow, it took me 23 years to find my way to The Piano Teacher, a movie that will leave you wanting to crawl into the fetal position by the time the credits roll.

I’ve not seen female repression in cinema quite like this and was stunned by Isabelle “the GOAT” Huppert’s ice-cold turn on as Erika, a piano instructor with MAJOR mommy issues, second to maaaaaybe Norman Bates. (Though, some may argue she takes the crown.) Her mom is controlling and domineering and 40-something Erika feels powerless against her, so she has to figure out other ways to gain autonomy. One of those ways is lording over her music students, one of whom develops a bit of a carnal obsession with her.

Because of deep-rooted shame, Erika can’t act on her sexual urges, so she likes to watch and participate from afar. Whether in a private booth in the viewing room of an adult film store or creeping on a couple doing it in their car, Erika is a voyeur with a capital V. But she’s not used to pursuit, and when the determined student starts his seduction plot, she can no longer deny her own sexual needs. And things go downhill—or into the pits of hell—depending on your tolerance for uneasiness.

While it’s bleak as hell, The Piano Teacher presents us with a unique character archetype: a repressed, masochistic middle-aged woman. Most often, movies about sexual repression focus on men (Shame, Moonlight, American Psycho, The Power of the Dog, Beau Is Afraid, Taxi Driver, Psycho) or young women (Thelma, Virgin Suicides, Black Swan, Raw, The Secretary, Carrie, The Witch).

Now I’ve enjoyed all of these films, but it was refreshing (maybe not the right word to use in any convo about this movie but it stands) to see a woman in midlife grappling with shame, frustration, self-destruction and intense psychological conditioning, while trying to escape a cage of her own making. There’s an ugliness to Erika’s struggle that is unsettling yet authentic thanks to Haneke’s direction and Huppert’s skill and lack of vanity in the role.

Where to watch plus an aftercare tip: If you want to get your wig snatched courtesy of Haneke, you can watch the film on HBO Max. And afterward, maybe check out an episode of Abbott Elementary or Harley Quinn to lighten the mood.